Approaching Perfection.

Have you ever considered that happiness, the true kind, the kind that stays in your heart long after a joyful moment or experience has faded into the twilight, bursts forth from the wellspring of a relationship with Deity?  Consider the words of the prophet Joseph Smith:

“We consider that God has created man with a mind capable of instruction, and a faculty which may be enlarged in proportion to the heed and diligence given to the light communicated from heaven to the intellect; and that the nearer man approaches perfection, the clearer are his views, and the greater his enjoyments, till he has overcome the evils of his life and lost every desire for sin; and like the ancients, arrives at that point of faith where he is wrapped in the power and glory of his Maker and is caught up to dwell with Him. But we consider that this is a station to which no man ever arrived in a moment: he must have been instructed in the government and laws of that kingdom by proper degrees, until his mind is capable in some measure of comprehending the propriety, justice, equality, and consistency of the same” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith [1976], sel. Joseph Fielding Smith, 51).

"The nearer man approaches perfection"--in other words, the nearer a man approaches God, for is He not the sum of perfection?  This one little phrase, the simplest and yet by far the hardest test of mortality---to  approach perfection.  This one little key can unlock happiness?  This forging ahead and trying and failing and repenting and rising a little higher?  And with each step closer to God, "the greater [our] enjoyments."  The greater our joy.  The greater our happiness.  And if we feel somewhat unhappy today, could we move a step closer to our Maker tomorrow?  Would we, in turn, feel a bit closer to a lasting form of happiness as well?  Yes, we will.  But don't just take my word for it.  Try it out yourself.  And see.

Happy Challenge:
Identify one step you can take to approach a little closer to perfection, a little closer to God.  Just one.  And when you've taken that step, don't be satisfied.  Take another.  And another.  And another.  Measure the increase of your happiness after the span of a week.  And a month.  And even a year.  Record your transformation.  Each step, each habit conquered, is a molding of ourselves to the image of Christ.  Every step makes a difference, each small effort is eternally needed.  Don't discount the small and simple things.

image source

Approaching Perfection.

Have you ever considered that happiness, the true kind, the kind that stays in your heart long after a joyful moment or experience has faded into the twilight, bursts forth from the wellspring of a relationship with Deity?  Consider the words of the prophet Joseph Smith:

“We consider that God has created man with a mind capable of instruction, and a faculty which may be enlarged in proportion to the heed and diligence given to the light communicated from heaven to the intellect; and that the nearer man approaches perfection, the clearer are his views, and the greater his enjoyments, till he has overcome the evils of his life and lost every desire for sin; and like the ancients, arrives at that point of faith where he is wrapped in the power and glory of his Maker and is caught up to dwell with Him. But we consider that this is a station to which no man ever arrived in a moment: he must have been instructed in the government and laws of that kingdom by proper degrees, until his mind is capable in some measure of comprehending the propriety, justice, equality, and consistency of the same” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith [1976], sel. Joseph Fielding Smith, 51).

"The nearer man approaches perfection"--in other words, the nearer a man approaches God, for is He not the sum of perfection?  This one little phrase, the simplest and yet by far the hardest test of mortality---to  approach perfection.  This one little key can unlock happiness?  This forging ahead and trying and failing and repenting and rising a little higher?  And with each step closer to God, "the greater [our] enjoyments."  The greater our joy.  The greater our happiness.  And if we feel somewhat unhappy today, could we move a step closer to our Maker tomorrow?  Would we, in turn, feel a bit closer to a lasting form of happiness as well?  Yes, we will.  But don't just take my word for it.  Try it out yourself.  And see.

Happy Challenge:
Identify one step you can take to approach a little closer to perfection, a little closer to God.  Just one.  And when you've taken that step, don't be satisfied.  Take another.  And another.  And another.  Measure the increase of your happiness after the span of a week.  And a month.  And even a year.  Record your transformation.  Each step, each habit conquered, is a molding of ourselves to the image of Christ.  Every step makes a difference, each small effort is eternally needed.  Don't discount the small and simple things.

image source

Simplify by Listening.

Just for today, make the choice to listen a little more closely to the voice of the Spirit.  Just a few minutes ago I was talking with my husband on his lunch break and spilling to him the worries and troubles from my heart.  In his wise and wonderful way, he asked me to do 2 things for him.

#1. Follow the Spirit.  He asked me to do what I am prompted to do for the Spirit will lead me to do things that will comfort and uplift my soul.

#2. Be comforted.  He promised me that because of prayers and faith the Lord would seek to comfort me today.  But I must let the comfort in.  I must choose to feel the comfort He will inevitably provide for me.

And then he asked me to have faith.  So I promised I would do these things, he told me he loved me, and we said goodbye.

Now it has been 25 minutes since I hung up the phone and I am already witnessing miracles from acting on the two simple suggestions from my sweetheart.  I know that I will only witness more as the day goes on.

Thank you, Sweetie, for your words and wisdom.  And thank Thee, Father, for the miracles.

Would you care to take the challenge as well?  I can only attest that miracles will follow--even if they are small and simple.  They will come.  They have for me...

Simplify by Listening.

Just for today, make the choice to listen a little more closely to the voice of the Spirit.  Just a few minutes ago I was talking with my husband on his lunch break and spilling to him the worries and troubles from my heart.  In his wise and wonderful way, he asked me to do 2 things for him.

#1. Follow the Spirit.  He asked me to do what I am prompted to do for the Spirit will lead me to do things that will comfort and uplift my soul.

#2. Be comforted.  He promised me that because of prayers and faith the Lord would seek to comfort me today.  But I must let the comfort in.  I must choose to feel the comfort He will inevitably provide for me.

And then he asked me to have faith.  So I promised I would do these things, he told me he loved me, and we said goodbye.

Now it has been 25 minutes since I hung up the phone and I am already witnessing miracles from acting on the two simple suggestions from my sweetheart.  I know that I will only witness more as the day goes on.

Thank you, Sweetie, for your words and wisdom.  And thank Thee, Father, for the miracles.

Would you care to take the challenge as well?  I can only attest that miracles will follow--even if they are small and simple.  They will come.  They have for me...

Finding Light {My Battle Part 2}

It was towards the end of March that I finally decided to reach out for help.  My husband had asked me on numerous occasions if I wanted him to call my mom and seek out a doctor.  I turned him down each time, believing that I would get better if I just gave it more time.

I had tried exercising more frequently, changing my daily routine a dozen times, eliminating distracting activities...the list went on and on.  And while each of these solutions were good and should have helped, they didn't.  I realized that it was my body's hormones and not my external factors that needed a revamp.

But there were so many days that I wished I didn't even exist...for no tangible, logical reason.  My life was perfect, but I felt in the depths of despair.  Even the warm spring and the sunshine outside, which usually served to bolster me and fuel my joy, only made me feel like crawling up in a corner to cry.  The worst part of the depression seemed to hit me in the mornings.  Every morning the weight of the day would hit me like a ton of bricks the second I opened my eyes.  Sleep was my only escape from the terrible feelings of guilt, sadness, and despair.

In the last week of March I finally accepted my sweetheart's suggestions.  He called my mom because I was too sad to admit that I was depressed.  She immediately reached out and called me.  She found a doctor and I set up an appointment.  This was the turning point for me.  She prescribed a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor and I began faithfully taking the medicine.  It took a few weeks to fully kick-in, so to speak, but I found myself experiencing fewer and fewer bad days as time went on.

I continued to practice life-enhancing habits and did my best to eat and drink right.  I began taking afternoon naps with my little ones and found my days gradually normalizing.  I remember in April there was a day that I finally felt like my normal self.  At first these days were sporadic and unpredictable, but eventually they became the majority.

In May I noticed progress.  I noted that my afternoons began to be happier, and little by little, the hour got earlier that I would begin feeling happy.  Noon for a few days, then 11:00, then 10:00.  By June--I hit a landmark.  I was finally waking up happy.  I waited a few weeks and started to feel like my normal self again.  I am just now tapering off the medication and it feels so wonderful to be alive.

While the medication was definitely a catalyst in my progress, there was a spiritual power that activated it.  I truly learned how to call on my Heavenly Father moment by moment for grace and strength beyond my own to face the feats before me.  It was revolutionary and it has changed me forever...this calling upon Him for grace.  Early this year I had been contemplating how I could come to know my Savior better.  Truly, this was the answer.

Do I feel embarrassed, saddened, or bitter that this whole experience of postpartum depression happened to me?  No. 

Though it was excruciatingly difficult, I know that the Lord pulled me from the abyss.  As I learned to rely on Him more, and use the resources He put in my path, my burden was lifted.  And now as I gaze out at the sunlight falling on the summer countryside, I am truly happy.  And I know that even though I feel much like my normal self, I will never be exactly the same.  I am different now.  More refined, stronger than I was, and perhaps, a little more like Him.

Finding Light {My Battle Part 2}

It was towards the end of March that I finally decided to reach out for help.  My husband had asked me on numerous occasions if I wanted him to call my mom and seek out a doctor.  I turned him down each time, believing that I would get better if I just gave it more time.

I had tried exercising more frequently, changing my daily routine a dozen times, eliminating distracting activities...the list went on and on.  And while each of these solutions were good and should have helped, they didn't.  I realized that it was my body's hormones and not my external factors that needed a revamp.

But there were so many days that I wished I didn't even exist...for no tangible, logical reason.  My life was perfect, but I felt in the depths of despair.  Even the warm spring and the sunshine outside, which usually served to bolster me and fuel my joy, only made me feel like crawling up in a corner to cry.  The worst part of the depression seemed to hit me in the mornings.  Every morning the weight of the day would hit me like a ton of bricks the second I opened my eyes.  Sleep was my only escape from the terrible feelings of guilt, sadness, and despair.

In the last week of March I finally accepted my sweetheart's suggestions.  He called my mom because I was too sad to admit that I was depressed.  She immediately reached out and called me.  She found a doctor and I set up an appointment.  This was the turning point for me.  She prescribed a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor and I began faithfully taking the medicine.  It took a few weeks to fully kick-in, so to speak, but I found myself experiencing fewer and fewer bad days as time went on.

I continued to practice life-enhancing habits and did my best to eat and drink right.  I began taking afternoon naps with my little ones and found my days gradually normalizing.  I remember in April there was a day that I finally felt like my normal self.  At first these days were sporadic and unpredictable, but eventually they became the majority.

In May I noticed progress.  I noted that my afternoons began to be happier, and little by little, the hour got earlier that I would begin feeling happy.  Noon for a few days, then 11:00, then 10:00.  By June--I hit a landmark.  I was finally waking up happy.  I waited a few weeks and started to feel like my normal self again.  I am just now tapering off the medication and it feels so wonderful to be alive.

While the medication was definitely a catalyst in my progress, there was a spiritual power that activated it.  I truly learned how to call on my Heavenly Father moment by moment for grace and strength beyond my own to face the feats before me.  It was revolutionary and it has changed me forever...this calling upon Him for grace.  Early this year I had been contemplating how I could come to know my Savior better.  Truly, this was the answer.

Do I feel embarrassed, saddened, or bitter that this whole experience of postpartum depression happened to me?  No. 

Though it was excruciatingly difficult, I know that the Lord pulled me from the abyss.  As I learned to rely on Him more, and use the resources He put in my path, my burden was lifted.  And now as I gaze out at the sunlight falling on the summer countryside, I am truly happy.  And I know that even though I feel much like my normal self, I will never be exactly the same.  I am different now.  More refined, stronger than I was, and perhaps, a little more like Him.

Faith to do His Will {A Key to a Lifetime of Happiness}

The pine needles gleam with an edge of sunlight.  They bend in the breeze and sway to an unheard melody.  This is what I see today as I sip hot chocolate and stand in awe of His handiwork.  They bend as if their whole existence were centered on following the will of Him who manages the cosmos.  And indeed,

"O how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth.  For behold, the dust of the earth moveth hither and thither, to the dividing asunder, at the command of our great and everlasting God.  Yea, behold at his voice do the hills and the mountains tremble and quake.  And by the power of his voice they are broken up, and become smooth, yea, even like unto a valley.  Yea, by the power of his voice doth the whole earth shake; Yea, by the power of his voice, do the foundations rock, even to the very center.  Yea, and if he say unto the earth--Move--it is moved." (Helaman 12:7-13)

 This subject has been on my mind for weeks now and I have been treading softly on new ground.  Not one day has been perfect, but there have been glimpses of a more Christlike heart and a few more heavenly moments.  Like yesterday.  And today.  I planned out my days with the Spirit guiding my heart to know what to pencil in and what to scratch out, leaving for later.  The friends I have visited, the purchases I've made, the way I've handled difficult behavior in my children has been pre-planned and guided by the Spirit...sometimes in the unexpected moment of it all.

And it is interesting to witness the change....in my days, in my demeanor, in my energy level, my health, vigor, and happiness.  Life is just lit with luster when we submit to His will and bend to the rhythm of His breeze.

This all has left me wondering how different my life would be if everyday, in every way, I tried to discern the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  How would my relationship with my children change? {Maybe flourish?}  How would my reactions be altered? {Perhaps all negativity would be eliminated?}  Would my time be better spent?  Would I be happier, more satisfied, content, and fulfilled?  Would this practice enable me to walk with Him daily?

I think I've stumbled upon another key to happiness; another key to making life holy; another key to a life of miraculous moments.

It lies in simply doing His will.

And every time I see pine needles, or leaves, or branches, or grass, or flower, I will think of this principle...and recommit.

Faith to do His Will {A Key to a Lifetime of Happiness}

The pine needles gleam with an edge of sunlight.  They bend in the breeze and sway to an unheard melody.  This is what I see today as I sip hot chocolate and stand in awe of His handiwork.  They bend as if their whole existence were centered on following the will of Him who manages the cosmos.  And indeed,

"O how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth.  For behold, the dust of the earth moveth hither and thither, to the dividing asunder, at the command of our great and everlasting God.  Yea, behold at his voice do the hills and the mountains tremble and quake.  And by the power of his voice they are broken up, and become smooth, yea, even like unto a valley.  Yea, by the power of his voice doth the whole earth shake; Yea, by the power of his voice, do the foundations rock, even to the very center.  Yea, and if he say unto the earth--Move--it is moved." (Helaman 12:7-13)

 This subject has been on my mind for weeks now and I have been treading softly on new ground.  Not one day has been perfect, but there have been glimpses of a more Christlike heart and a few more heavenly moments.  Like yesterday.  And today.  I planned out my days with the Spirit guiding my heart to know what to pencil in and what to scratch out, leaving for later.  The friends I have visited, the purchases I've made, the way I've handled difficult behavior in my children has been pre-planned and guided by the Spirit...sometimes in the unexpected moment of it all.

And it is interesting to witness the change....in my days, in my demeanor, in my energy level, my health, vigor, and happiness.  Life is just lit with luster when we submit to His will and bend to the rhythm of His breeze.

This all has left me wondering how different my life would be if everyday, in every way, I tried to discern the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  How would my relationship with my children change? {Maybe flourish?}  How would my reactions be altered? {Perhaps all negativity would be eliminated?}  Would my time be better spent?  Would I be happier, more satisfied, content, and fulfilled?  Would this practice enable me to walk with Him daily?

I think I've stumbled upon another key to happiness; another key to making life holy; another key to a life of miraculous moments.

It lies in simply doing His will.

And every time I see pine needles, or leaves, or branches, or grass, or flower, I will think of this principle...and recommit.

Filled with Light.

"The light of the body is the eye; if, therefore, thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."

{3 Nephi 13:22}

"And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be full of light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things."

{D&C 88:67}

How often I have read these words, like poetry, straight from the Lord's own mouth.

Knowing that the light of the body is the eye, I have become a vigilant observer of eyes.  After years of watching and feeling, it is usually easy to discern the state of one's heart from the light that shines forth from one's eyes.  In fact, the light of the eye reflects in the whole of the countenance.

But what of the eye being single to the glory of God?

How often I have pondered this deeper meaning.

Today light poured into my understanding, and I understood perhaps a layer of meaning to this phrase.

How do we glory God?  We live our lives in righteousness, always the best we can; we arise and shine forth an example of light; and then we bring Him praise for everything we receive...even the hardships.

This is, I believe, the summation of glorying God.

And if this, this glory-giving, glory-living life is what we focus on singly, or solely, it shows.  It manifests as a shining of light in our eyes.

I go to the mirror and examine my eyes.  There's the blue and the white and the black of the pupil, but I ignore all of these and look deeper.  Is the light there?  And my mind rolls back in time to nearly 7 years ago when I sat in a BYU-Idaho devotional in a little chapel on a cushioned bench.  I do not remember the name of the lady addressing, but I'll never forget what she taught.  She spoke of eyes and light and countenances reflecting the light of the Savior.  And she issued a challenge.   To rise up each morning, go to a mirror, and look for the light.  We were then encouraged to act that day in a way that the light in our eyes would be increased.

Here at my mirror, seven years later, and I still search for the light as often as I remember.  Maybe this coming year it will become a solidified routine.  

To check for the light.  

To examine the eyes.  

To live a life of glory to God...

And the list continues...
ever onward to 1000...

#752 Little inventive boys
#753 Old matchbox cars coursing through brown wrapping paper tubes.
#755 Sweet Pea's countdown inspired by the Spirit.
#757 Prayers and faith pulling Mother through her surgery and post-surgery with no epidural or pain medication.
#764 A sweet tender birthday hug from Pop
#771 Impromptu sweetness last night before drifting into slumber.
#772 This heart-building counting of the graces, while waiting for my own little "Grace" girl.
#773 Little Bug's pure, innocent, unrestrained laughter.
#775 Approaching the 1000 mark and wondering what lies beyond...

Filled with Light.

"The light of the body is the eye; if, therefore, thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."

{3 Nephi 13:22}

"And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be full of light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things."

{D&C 88:67}

How often I have read these words, like poetry, straight from the Lord's own mouth.

Knowing that the light of the body is the eye, I have become a vigilant observer of eyes.  After years of watching and feeling, it is usually easy to discern the state of one's heart from the light that shines forth from one's eyes.  In fact, the light of the eye reflects in the whole of the countenance.

But what of the eye being single to the glory of God?

How often I have pondered this deeper meaning.

Today light poured into my understanding, and I understood perhaps a layer of meaning to this phrase.

How do we glory God?  We live our lives in righteousness, always the best we can; we arise and shine forth an example of light; and then we bring Him praise for everything we receive...even the hardships.

This is, I believe, the summation of glorying God.

And if this, this glory-giving, glory-living life is what we focus on singly, or solely, it shows.  It manifests as a shining of light in our eyes.

I go to the mirror and examine my eyes.  There's the blue and the white and the black of the pupil, but I ignore all of these and look deeper.  Is the light there?  And my mind rolls back in time to nearly 7 years ago when I sat in a BYU-Idaho devotional in a little chapel on a cushioned bench.  I do not remember the name of the lady addressing, but I'll never forget what she taught.  She spoke of eyes and light and countenances reflecting the light of the Savior.  And she issued a challenge.   To rise up each morning, go to a mirror, and look for the light.  We were then encouraged to act that day in a way that the light in our eyes would be increased.

Here at my mirror, seven years later, and I still search for the light as often as I remember.  Maybe this coming year it will become a solidified routine.  

To check for the light.  

To examine the eyes.  

To live a life of glory to God...

And the list continues...
ever onward to 1000...

#752 Little inventive boys
#753 Old matchbox cars coursing through brown wrapping paper tubes.
#755 Sweet Pea's countdown inspired by the Spirit.
#757 Prayers and faith pulling Mother through her surgery and post-surgery with no epidural or pain medication.
#764 A sweet tender birthday hug from Pop
#771 Impromptu sweetness last night before drifting into slumber.
#772 This heart-building counting of the graces, while waiting for my own little "Grace" girl.
#773 Little Bug's pure, innocent, unrestrained laughter.
#775 Approaching the 1000 mark and wondering what lies beyond...

A Holy Experience Unwrapping...

Last night I read this:  "They were once a delightsome people, and they had Christ for their shepherd; yea, they were led even by God the Father." (Mormon 5:17)

And then this morning I read this:  "...yea, ye will not hearken unto the voice of the good shepherd..." (Helaman 7:18)

My mind has been pondering sheep and the Shepherd and discipleship ever since.

And then I read of how the Nephites grew proud because of their riches and blessings and then they let the adversary get hold over their hearts.  This all happened in just a few years (see Helaman 6-7).  And the question plagued me:  How do I prevent he adversary from getting a great hold on my heart?  What is the formula for keeping him at bay and away?  What is the antidote for pride?

Curled up in my armchair in the peace of this Autumn morning, the answers came...

First, I must listen to His voice moment by moment--continually seeking to do His will and not my own.  {This is how I can keep my heart centered on the Lord and reject the lures of the adversary.}

Second, I must give praise and thanks for every blessing which I receive, acknowledging that every thing comes from the Lord.  I can recognize that trials come to stir us up in remembrance of the One who descended below all things and shape us into more Christlike beings.  I can realize that blessings and talents, too, always come from Him. {This is how I can combat pride on the one hand and bitterness on the other--the two vices that distance ourselves from the Lord.}

And maybe, just maybe, I am beginning to unwrap the gift of learning to live A Holy Experience here in mortality.  To follow and to praise are perhaps two of the keys that unlock the beautiful mystery of learning how to live in holiness each day.

It's as if Autumn has brought me a turning.  A turning of green leaves to a golden hue...and a turning of my green heart to one with just a tint of gold now.

Yes.  All is Grace.

A Holy Experience Unwrapping...

Last night I read this:  "They were once a delightsome people, and they had Christ for their shepherd; yea, they were led even by God the Father." (Mormon 5:17)

And then this morning I read this:  "...yea, ye will not hearken unto the voice of the good shepherd..." (Helaman 7:18)

My mind has been pondering sheep and the Shepherd and discipleship ever since.

And then I read of how the Nephites grew proud because of their riches and blessings and then they let the adversary get hold over their hearts.  This all happened in just a few years (see Helaman 6-7).  And the question plagued me:  How do I prevent he adversary from getting a great hold on my heart?  What is the formula for keeping him at bay and away?  What is the antidote for pride?

Curled up in my armchair in the peace of this Autumn morning, the answers came...

First, I must listen to His voice moment by moment--continually seeking to do His will and not my own.  {This is how I can keep my heart centered on the Lord and reject the lures of the adversary.}

Second, I must give praise and thanks for every blessing which I receive, acknowledging that every thing comes from the Lord.  I can recognize that trials come to stir us up in remembrance of the One who descended below all things and shape us into more Christlike beings.  I can realize that blessings and talents, too, always come from Him. {This is how I can combat pride on the one hand and bitterness on the other--the two vices that distance ourselves from the Lord.}

And maybe, just maybe, I am beginning to unwrap the gift of learning to live A Holy Experience here in mortality.  To follow and to praise are perhaps two of the keys that unlock the beautiful mystery of learning how to live in holiness each day.

It's as if Autumn has brought me a turning.  A turning of green leaves to a golden hue...and a turning of my green heart to one with just a tint of gold now.

Yes.  All is Grace.

Feasting...

Today the morn began with a cloud of gloom on my head and remembrances of all that is worrying me and how weak I really am.

But then a feast in the word of God gave me new hope.

The story of King Lamoni has always touched me.  How he had been taught from his youth incorrect traditions and untruths.  How he had walked in ignorance his whole life, never knowing the doctrine of God or the Savior or the atonement.

And when he was finally given the glorious truths by the inspired missionary, Ammon, his heart was changed and he cried unto the Lord for mercy.

Subsequently, he fell to the earth and remained in this state for several days as he was taught in vision from on high.  The queen was concerned.  Was her husband dead?  But Ammon comforted her with the words, "...he sleepeth in God, and on the morrow he shall rise again;" (Alma 19:8)

And the verse that touched my heart so deeply today was this:

"Now, this was what Ammon desired, for he knew that king Lamoni was under the power of God; he knew that the dark veil of unbelief was being cast away from his mind, and the light which did light up his mind, which was the light of the glory of God, which was a marvelous light of his goodness--yea, this light had infused such joy into his soul, the cloud of darkness having been dispelled, and that the light of everlasting life was lit up in his soul, yea, he knew that this had overcome his natural frame, and he was carried away in God--" (Alma 19:6)

And as I read, I wanted this experience of light infusing my soul with joy and dispelling all clouds of darkness.  But how?

The answer came quickly.

I needed to fast from ingratitude and feast upon all of the goodness that the Lord is giving me.

I knew I needed to continue what I have been trying to practice all year--Eucharisteo, daily thanksgiving, praise to my Father.  And this I needed to do more fervently than I have been mustering these last few months.  My 1000 Gift List had only reached 616, and I knew I needed to recommit to writing down the gifts, the graces, the tender mercies from on high...every day...and many times during the day.  I knew I needed to rededicate my efforts in this cause so I can finish this year having fulfilled my goal of giving the Lord my daily praise for all of His goodness, His mercy, His grace.

And I will chronicle this journey, this practice, this 3-month project here...because this feasting on gratitude will surely produce great happiness on my continual quest for happiness.

 I sat down and pulled out my Gift List and scrawled out mercies until I reached 630.

And now my soul feels satisfied as it has been infused with gratitude and empowered with the Spirit.

I stand forever grateful for the tender mercy upon tender grace that the Lord gives to me.

The cloud has gone now.  And "the light of the glory of God, which [is] a marvelous light of his goodness" is warming my soul like the rays of Autumn sunshine.

It's yet again, a new beginning.

Feasting...

Today the morn began with a cloud of gloom on my head and remembrances of all that is worrying me and how weak I really am.

But then a feast in the word of God gave me new hope.

The story of King Lamoni has always touched me.  How he had been taught from his youth incorrect traditions and untruths.  How he had walked in ignorance his whole life, never knowing the doctrine of God or the Savior or the atonement.

And when he was finally given the glorious truths by the inspired missionary, Ammon, his heart was changed and he cried unto the Lord for mercy.

Subsequently, he fell to the earth and remained in this state for several days as he was taught in vision from on high.  The queen was concerned.  Was her husband dead?  But Ammon comforted her with the words, "...he sleepeth in God, and on the morrow he shall rise again;" (Alma 19:8)

And the verse that touched my heart so deeply today was this:

"Now, this was what Ammon desired, for he knew that king Lamoni was under the power of God; he knew that the dark veil of unbelief was being cast away from his mind, and the light which did light up his mind, which was the light of the glory of God, which was a marvelous light of his goodness--yea, this light had infused such joy into his soul, the cloud of darkness having been dispelled, and that the light of everlasting life was lit up in his soul, yea, he knew that this had overcome his natural frame, and he was carried away in God--" (Alma 19:6)

And as I read, I wanted this experience of light infusing my soul with joy and dispelling all clouds of darkness.  But how?

The answer came quickly.

I needed to fast from ingratitude and feast upon all of the goodness that the Lord is giving me.

I knew I needed to continue what I have been trying to practice all year--Eucharisteo, daily thanksgiving, praise to my Father.  And this I needed to do more fervently than I have been mustering these last few months.  My 1000 Gift List had only reached 616, and I knew I needed to recommit to writing down the gifts, the graces, the tender mercies from on high...every day...and many times during the day.  I knew I needed to rededicate my efforts in this cause so I can finish this year having fulfilled my goal of giving the Lord my daily praise for all of His goodness, His mercy, His grace.

And I will chronicle this journey, this practice, this 3-month project here...because this feasting on gratitude will surely produce great happiness on my continual quest for happiness.

 I sat down and pulled out my Gift List and scrawled out mercies until I reached 630.

And now my soul feels satisfied as it has been infused with gratitude and empowered with the Spirit.

I stand forever grateful for the tender mercy upon tender grace that the Lord gives to me.

The cloud has gone now.  And "the light of the glory of God, which [is] a marvelous light of his goodness" is warming my soul like the rays of Autumn sunshine.

It's yet again, a new beginning.

The True Easter Celebration

Even as I write this, chills tingle my spine and the Spirit whispers the confirming witness, that yes,

He Lives.

 Easter is nearing and my mind wanders the life and the ministry of Him who bore our griefs. How can I make this Easter experience one that washes over my family like a wave from the sea leaving us flushed with eternal water pure--His living water?

Our superficial world with its materialistic counterfeits for every holy thing has not left Easter unsaturated.  It is hard to break free from the traditionalism of Western culture--but we must return to the source of the water if we are to experience a rebirth.

This world with its holiday traditions is not evil, it is just distracting when there is so much more to derive.

My boys and I paint white clouds on blue cardstock, but do we snatch the opportunity to gaze up at the clouds that twist and float and change with each passing minute?

We blow bubbles and the ones that Pop holds are large and ethereal, soaring away on the April wind. And the ones that the little ones make are small and short-lived and we keep pointing to the colossal swirls of rainbow and say, "Look, look," but they don't hear or maybe they just ignore.

And Pop says it best, They are too focused on making their own that they don't look up to see the big ones.

When we focus so much on the fluffy traditions and forget to live the holy ones it's as if we are painting clouds and blowing small bubbles and forgetting to look up, to the source, to the real beauty and meaning.

Could we remove the layers of fanciful that quickly wither?  Could we refuse to go through Easter and instead pledge to have the experience of Easter go through us, and change us?

 Let us walk with Him today and everyday as we travel the road to the cross and the empty tomb.

The True Easter Celebration

Even as I write this, chills tingle my spine and the Spirit whispers the confirming witness, that yes,

He Lives.

 Easter is nearing and my mind wanders the life and the ministry of Him who bore our griefs. How can I make this Easter experience one that washes over my family like a wave from the sea leaving us flushed with eternal water pure--His living water?

Our superficial world with its materialistic counterfeits for every holy thing has not left Easter unsaturated.  It is hard to break free from the traditionalism of Western culture--but we must return to the source of the water if we are to experience a rebirth.

This world with its holiday traditions is not evil, it is just distracting when there is so much more to derive.

My boys and I paint white clouds on blue cardstock, but do we snatch the opportunity to gaze up at the clouds that twist and float and change with each passing minute?

We blow bubbles and the ones that Pop holds are large and ethereal, soaring away on the April wind. And the ones that the little ones make are small and short-lived and we keep pointing to the colossal swirls of rainbow and say, "Look, look," but they don't hear or maybe they just ignore.

And Pop says it best, They are too focused on making their own that they don't look up to see the big ones.

When we focus so much on the fluffy traditions and forget to live the holy ones it's as if we are painting clouds and blowing small bubbles and forgetting to look up, to the source, to the real beauty and meaning.

Could we remove the layers of fanciful that quickly wither?  Could we refuse to go through Easter and instead pledge to have the experience of Easter go through us, and change us?

 Let us walk with Him today and everyday as we travel the road to the cross and the empty tomb.

Cupped Hands, broken world, Eucharisteo in practice

Last night was wonderful.  With the summation of General Conference and the words of a living prophet, my heart was happy as my sweetheart and I discussed the gems we heard.

But today has been a tornado of terribleness.  Boys crying and falling off chairs and puzzles missing pieces and I sit and wonder what pieces are missing in me.  Why is this all so hard?  Why can I not be just stronger and just truer and just better and just...something that I'm lacking?

I remember Ann's words I read last night when all was peaceful and still and just perfect.  And today with the turmoil the words are being put to the test:

"Eucharisteo makes the knees the vantage point of a life and I bend and the body, it says it quiet: 'Thy will be done.' This is the way a body and a mouth say thank you: Thy will be done. This is the way the self dies, falls into the arms of Love." ~Ann Voskamp, one thousand gifts

I felt it last night after prayer and while I quietly pondered.  I gave my will to Him and in response, a waterfall of joy and peace washing over me, making me feel cleansed and pure.

But in the here and now, the rush and franticness, the helter and skelter, the tears and the anger, "this fallen world [that] never stops dis-membering and we all break apart a bit more everyday," I am put to the test.  But what else could I expect when for Christmas I gave Him a gift of thanks, Eucharisteo, that would evolve into a new way of life for me and my family?

Do I not believe that He will therefore give me a chance to practice this Eucharisteo every day and perhaps every moment?  But what of when I don't feel joy brimming and overflowing?  What of the reality of diapers and laundry and stubbed toes and dishes and piano lessons and keeping the peace with a house of 3 boys?  What of the times when my heart fills empty and alone and angry?

This is the time when I can follow what I read from Ann last night:

"And I humbly open my hand to release my will to receive His, to accept His wind.  I accept the gift of now as it is -- accept God -- for I can't be receptive to God unless I receive what He gives."

And this too:

"True saints know that the place where all the joy comes from is far deeper than that of feelings; joy comes from the place of the very presence of God. Joy is God and God is joy and joy doesn't negate all other emotions--joy transcends all other emotions." 

~Ann Voskamp, one thousand gifts

So I keep counting and scrawling the gifts and little by little, with hands cupped, the winds start to cease--if not all around me then at least in my heart.  And my "I can't do this," turns into "We can."

Because the piece that was missing I can find everyday in Him and in seeing Him in every moment, every eyelash, every sound, ever tear.  He is here...giving me good gifts and I have cracked the code and will continue to re-crack it daily until it becomes in essence a very part of me. 

"In the remembering to give thanks, our broken places are re-membered — made whole."  ~Ann Voskamp

#175. Sunlight lacing edges of dark cloud
#183. Reminding myself that yes, even this is grace
#187. Not losing my temper once today
#202. Feeling the bread broken and the water cool--both healing my soul
#205. Prompting to call Mom and talk to her about my grace-trial
#223. Beethoven's Sonate drifting through my ears melancholy and somber and poignant
#227. Quiet moment in the Word
#228. Funny texts from sweetheart the make me smile
#230. Nudges to carry this notebook everywhere
#238. Warm purple socks snuggling cold feet
#239. Thinking of summer
#243. Day all mended with a call to my best friend
#253. Seeing my distorted reflection in the steel of cheese grater--reminding me that I see through a glass, darkly.  There is no veil veiling His view and perspective.
#260. Seeing the good adventure in living with family this year.
#279. A daily routine that finally words--Breakfast, chores, Sunrise Devotional, Preschool, lunch, naps, laundry and movie, playtime, scriptures and journals, bedtime
#280. Knowing soon I will have a Sabbath routine that will work.
#301. Warm, unseen hands on shoulders comforting me through my doctor's visit
#304. Little Bug running all cuddly to my lap.
#316. Needing more tape which seemed like storm of hail but was really grace because it led me to the store where I found the miracle of the 40 teal totes each $2.00
#318. Kind man fetching my lids when they blew away in the ferocious 35-40 mile an hour wind then going with me the extra mile to my car to keep the lids from flying away again.
#319. After completely dying, car starting again after a heartfelt prayer and many attempts.
#332. Trusting the Lord to cradle my day
#334. April 1st sunshine
#339. Rustles of pages and clicks of marker lids--the sound of boys coloring
#344. Little Bug saying "blanket" for the first time
#353. Little Bug wanting me to hold him all day-those days are so limited
#356. Little boys in little socks running in the sunshine and riding trikes
#359. Joy cackle of Little Bug on the swing for the first time this Spring.  Last year he went through a phase of fear for swings.  Had he just forgotten the magical wonder of it all?
#360. Waking up to Little Bear's voice singing, "Conference is today, Conference is today!"
#361. Spirit blanketing home today with General Conference streaming to our eyes and ears
#374. Bedlamites laughing manically while rolling on the ground.
#383. Little Bug's "Thank you Mommy's."

Cupped Hands, broken world, Eucharisteo in practice

Last night was wonderful.  With the summation of General Conference and the words of a living prophet, my heart was happy as my sweetheart and I discussed the gems we heard.

But today has been a tornado of terribleness.  Boys crying and falling off chairs and puzzles missing pieces and I sit and wonder what pieces are missing in me.  Why is this all so hard?  Why can I not be just stronger and just truer and just better and just...something that I'm lacking?

I remember Ann's words I read last night when all was peaceful and still and just perfect.  And today with the turmoil the words are being put to the test:

"Eucharisteo makes the knees the vantage point of a life and I bend and the body, it says it quiet: 'Thy will be done.' This is the way a body and a mouth say thank you: Thy will be done. This is the way the self dies, falls into the arms of Love." ~Ann Voskamp, one thousand gifts

I felt it last night after prayer and while I quietly pondered.  I gave my will to Him and in response, a waterfall of joy and peace washing over me, making me feel cleansed and pure.

But in the here and now, the rush and franticness, the helter and skelter, the tears and the anger, "this fallen world [that] never stops dis-membering and we all break apart a bit more everyday," I am put to the test.  But what else could I expect when for Christmas I gave Him a gift of thanks, Eucharisteo, that would evolve into a new way of life for me and my family?

Do I not believe that He will therefore give me a chance to practice this Eucharisteo every day and perhaps every moment?  But what of when I don't feel joy brimming and overflowing?  What of the reality of diapers and laundry and stubbed toes and dishes and piano lessons and keeping the peace with a house of 3 boys?  What of the times when my heart fills empty and alone and angry?

This is the time when I can follow what I read from Ann last night:

"And I humbly open my hand to release my will to receive His, to accept His wind.  I accept the gift of now as it is -- accept God -- for I can't be receptive to God unless I receive what He gives."

And this too:

"True saints know that the place where all the joy comes from is far deeper than that of feelings; joy comes from the place of the very presence of God. Joy is God and God is joy and joy doesn't negate all other emotions--joy transcends all other emotions." 

~Ann Voskamp, one thousand gifts

So I keep counting and scrawling the gifts and little by little, with hands cupped, the winds start to cease--if not all around me then at least in my heart.  And my "I can't do this," turns into "We can."

Because the piece that was missing I can find everyday in Him and in seeing Him in every moment, every eyelash, every sound, ever tear.  He is here...giving me good gifts and I have cracked the code and will continue to re-crack it daily until it becomes in essence a very part of me. 

"In the remembering to give thanks, our broken places are re-membered — made whole."  ~Ann Voskamp

#175. Sunlight lacing edges of dark cloud
#183. Reminding myself that yes, even this is grace
#187. Not losing my temper once today
#202. Feeling the bread broken and the water cool--both healing my soul
#205. Prompting to call Mom and talk to her about my grace-trial
#223. Beethoven's Sonate drifting through my ears melancholy and somber and poignant
#227. Quiet moment in the Word
#228. Funny texts from sweetheart the make me smile
#230. Nudges to carry this notebook everywhere
#238. Warm purple socks snuggling cold feet
#239. Thinking of summer
#243. Day all mended with a call to my best friend
#253. Seeing my distorted reflection in the steel of cheese grater--reminding me that I see through a glass, darkly.  There is no veil veiling His view and perspective.
#260. Seeing the good adventure in living with family this year.
#279. A daily routine that finally words--Breakfast, chores, Sunrise Devotional, Preschool, lunch, naps, laundry and movie, playtime, scriptures and journals, bedtime
#280. Knowing soon I will have a Sabbath routine that will work.
#301. Warm, unseen hands on shoulders comforting me through my doctor's visit
#304. Little Bug running all cuddly to my lap.
#316. Needing more tape which seemed like storm of hail but was really grace because it led me to the store where I found the miracle of the 40 teal totes each $2.00
#318. Kind man fetching my lids when they blew away in the ferocious 35-40 mile an hour wind then going with me the extra mile to my car to keep the lids from flying away again.
#319. After completely dying, car starting again after a heartfelt prayer and many attempts.
#332. Trusting the Lord to cradle my day
#334. April 1st sunshine
#339. Rustles of pages and clicks of marker lids--the sound of boys coloring
#344. Little Bug saying "blanket" for the first time
#353. Little Bug wanting me to hold him all day-those days are so limited
#356. Little boys in little socks running in the sunshine and riding trikes
#359. Joy cackle of Little Bug on the swing for the first time this Spring.  Last year he went through a phase of fear for swings.  Had he just forgotten the magical wonder of it all?
#360. Waking up to Little Bear's voice singing, "Conference is today, Conference is today!"
#361. Spirit blanketing home today with General Conference streaming to our eyes and ears
#374. Bedlamites laughing manically while rolling on the ground.
#383. Little Bug's "Thank you Mommy's."